One of the main reasons is that the structures in society used to support a married couple staying together. In more recent times, there are numerous social forces and economic forces that pull couples apart. Many of the messages about marriage in the media imply or state that the passion and the electricity can only be experienced as an affair, a fling, or a “long-term relationship.” In many ways the marriage relationship itself is under siege. Consequently, married couples who wish to create and maintain and intact relationship are almost asking for trouble if they don’t give time and attention to actively growing their relationship, their communication, their common vision, and their intimacy.

As we head into the 21st century, couples who want to have a lasting relationship cannot afford to avoid taking time, energy, and money to work on maintaining and improving the quality of their relationship. Would you drive your car year after year without maintenance? Of course not. In western society today marriages generally don’t rejuvenate themselves naturally. There are just too many forces such as stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, and temptation that create a kind of entropy within the marriage relationship.

So, is this a commercial for marriage counseling?  Not at all!  Most couples will not need marriage counseling if they build into their routines specific times to pay attention to what is going on in their relationship and make adjustments. Here is one way to do that:   Start planning 2-4 weekends per year to get away for a weekend without kids and without anyone else.   Spend most of the time relaxing and or having fun together.  For 2 or 3 hours of the weekend (not at one time), have a serious discussion about what is happening in your relationship currently and what are some ways to change it.  If this seems too intimidating to do then just read about marriage together and briefly discuss what you have read.  Agree ahead of time that you what you discuss may raise issues that cannot be resolved in one weekend.  The point is to chip away at one or two issues in some intentional fashion that increases your skill-level.  Start with simply identifying what each of you think the issues are.   Then start with the easier ones first.  Now I’m going end with an uncomfortable observation:  If you cannot do this you may actually need some outside help.  Why?  Because without maintenance you may be just waiting for a crisis to get your attention as a couple.  An overheated engine that stops running is not the way you want to be reminded that your haven’t been servicing your vehicle.

The upshot to all of this can be expressed in a nutshell:  Prevention takes less effort in the long run than repair.   Especially if the breakdown happens at a very inconvenient time and place (for example, on the freeway at night when it is raining).  It’s easier in the long-run to gradually add to your marriage satisfaction skills.